Why Am I Here?

A book of ideas on thinking 

Why Am I Here?

If you’ve asked yourself this question in a strange room after a night of heavy drinking, that’s not what I’m about. If you’ve asked it while wondering if you should try to develop a relationship with a church or synagogue, you’re the person I’m talking to.

 

If you’re like me, you have difficulty buying the Christianity message, and Judaism seems to be a religion with no benefits, except maybe cultural. You can’t escape having a belief whether or not you put any thought into it. I know some people who seem to believe that the meaning of life is a good hamburger.

 

NO ANSWERS

 

Some of us can’t accept the meaning of life even if we don’t know the meaning. Or perhaps, we can’t accept that we can’t discover a meaning. Not even hamburgers.

 

Of course, philosophers can explain it, but when’s the last time you tried reading a book by John Locke or Immanuel Kant? Even when written in English, their words are unrecognizable, like a foreign language. Or if Socrates, the writing is so dense your thoughts implode.

 

On the other hand are philosophers who advocate meditation by which you can explore the self and existence. Maybe something’s wrong with me, but the only thing I get out of meditation is frustration. Wondering how much longer I can try to get my brain into a meaningful clarity has only led to boredom. 

 

GIVING UP THE QUESTIONS

 

In the book At the Intersection of Existence, author Davis Stanard asks himself questions about existence. Why Am I Here? Davis suggests we get over that and build a belief system that allows us to live a meaningful life, whatever is out there beyond life. He doesn’t provide answers but he gives himself, and by implication the reader, permission to quit asking unanswerable questions.

At the Intersection of Existence Back Cover

Rice Festival

 

APRIL 25 & 26

 

I’ll be under my tent and signing book sales at the Rice Festival in Walterboro, SC, on Friday and Saturday April 25 & 26. It’s the perfect time of year for outside activities amid throngs of people. 

A car show will be on display

 

Even if you don’t care to see musicians on stage, dog acrobatics, a duck show, or cornhole tournament, you can enjoy people watching.

Doug & I will be there early to put up the tent

 

Put the date on your calendar and find me at the Rice Festival. It has something for everyone.

Festival Contacts: PH. 843-549-1079

STREET ADDRESS

494 Hampton Street

Walterboro, SC 29488

https://sites.google.com/view/colletoncountyricefestival/home

A gift like none other

 LITERARY AND VERY PERSONAL

My daughter-in-law Cindy gave her son (my grandson Frank) a unique gift for his 18^th birthday. In fact, only a limited number of these gifts exist. She researched Frank's ancestors, recorded the data, formatted photos and text, and printed a 50-page book that provides the names and dates of Frank’s male relatives and ancestors, living and dead. The title is “the Book of boys,” and in the case of Cindy’s family, it traces Frank’s ancestors back six generations.

The title is behind a cut-out

It's remarkable that four Civil War veterans appear in the pages, my ancestor John Gantt who lost an arm in the battle of the crater at Petersburg, VA; Jake Shumpert who was wounded at Gettysburg; Austin Stanard who fought with the 75^th Illinois Corps; and Lorenzo Myers who was Captain of the 64th Ohio Infantry. 

Sixth generation

The birth locations of Frank’s closest male relatives are Ohio and Illinois. But going back generations, they’ve come from South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Kentucky, Missouri, and New York. 

Frank's paternal great-great grandfathers

Cindy has inherited from her father a love of genealogy. It’s obvious from this book that she spent hours on family history research, not to mention formatting the book. She’s a graphic designer, so that explains a lot. However it takes a devoted mother to turn a hobby into something that will be a family keepsake.

 

Quartet Journal

 

 

CAR ACCIDENT AS INSPIRATION

The May edition of Quartet Journal will publish my poem “Failing To Yield,” which is about an auto accident that occurred at Fairview Crossroads some years ago. The Crossroads has been the scene of a number of accidents, in part because it is the intersection of four roads: Hwy. 178, Neely Wingard Rd., Calks Ferry Rd., and Wagener Hwy. 

 

I didn’t view the accident, but I was there when the EMS arrived. There were a number of us standing on the sidelines in silence. The hush was broken by the wailing prayer of the grandmother who had been uninjured in the accident.

 

A car accident has been used as a point of departure for a number of writers, I’m thinking of novels. Here are several examples of writers who took an auto accident and went into diverse plots:

 

* If I Stay by Gayle Forman – an accident leads to a common trope of memory loss which gives rise to mystery and discovery.

* Age of Vice by Deepti Kapoor – five people are killed in a car accident which develops into a story about organized crime.

* The Heart by Maylis de Kerangal – a car accident begins a story about a heart transplant.

* Home Stretch by Graham Norton – after a car accident involving a wedding party, the driver can’t face living among the mourning relatives and friends.

 

The publisher of my poem, Quartet Journal, is an online poetry magazine with three issues a year—Winter, Spring/Summer, and Fall. Linda Blaskey is the usual editor, but on the masthead for 2025 is guest editor Franetta McMillian.

 

One of the things I enjoy about this magazine is the authors' comments about how they write and what has meaning for them. In the most recent edition, poet Deidra G. Allan wrote that a theme she comes back to is “the great interplay of hope and despair, grief and joy.” Her poem speaks implicitly to this theme and ends with “like a child’s laughter through the open window of a house in mourning.”

More of Quartet Journal at - https://www.quartetjournal.com.

relationships shift with politics

 

POLITICS AND FRIENDSHIP

I have a fundamentalist Christian friend who is an avid Trump supporter. Our relationship has survived for years, in part because we don’t discuss religion. She doesn’t proselytize, which I appreciate, and I don’t care about religion as long as people treat one another with respect. 

 

Recent politics has brought some uncongenial moments. For instance, if I make a comment about changes in our American situation, such as “I wonder what the Rawls Farm will do for field workers,” my friend comes back with a strident rebuttal about immigrants followed by “if you’d read the news you’d know.” We’ve come to the point that we’re too passionate about our opposing views to even touch on something political. 

 

After several comments about my lack of knowledge, which I’ve tried to ignore, our conversations have come to be limited to old times and mutual friends. 

 

At the end of the day and the reason for my writing this is—why is my friend so aggressive in her Trump support and why does she denigrated me, her friend, for having a different opinion? Her view of religion has always been unlike mine, but she hasn’t smiled at me and suggested I’m stupid for holding a different view. It seems that politics has surpassed religion as the most important thing in her life.

 

Such intolerance harkens back to history and a god-like acceptance of authoritarian rulers. History is full of examples as to where this leads.

 

Selling Books

FESTIVALS

Selling books is a challenge, in part because readers are hard to find. Even publishers have to work hard to market books, so for an individual writer it becomes near impossible, unless of course they are already well known, e.g., Tom Hanks, Britney Spears.

 

To market my books I’ve been going to festivals with some success, depending on the festival. Yesterday I went to Augusta to check out the Fat Tuesday Food & Music Festival as a possible venue.  

 

A description of the festival was tantalizing: it was to “bring a taste of New Orleans to Augusta.” My sister Nila and I waited 30 minutes to pay the $10 entry fee, we spent about 15 minutes checking it out.

My sidekick and sister Nila

 

I should have taken a hint about the “festival” when a person selling gutters approached me at the entry. On surveying the vendors, instead of jambalaya, beignets, or gumbo, we saw the usual tacos, lemonade, funnel cake, and kettle corn. There were few other vendors selling things such as soaps and jewelry. It didn’t have the sort of traffic to sell books, or much of anything else. 

I wasn't looking for lemonade...

In the past, book festivals in our area were more successful, at least in the sense that they were big events that pulled traffic from a large area. The three-day South Carolina Book Festival held in Columbia closed down in 2015 after 19 years. Book “Em NC, held at Robeson, and Lowcountry Arts & Literary Festival have closed. 

 

What we have now are smaller festivals that are hanging on despite low traffic. Several that have returned annually for several years are the Indie Author at Aiken, SC, Author Showcase at the Richland Library, and Authors for Literacy at the Lexington library. A more intimate gathering that features authors is Readers & Writers held at a local restaurant. 

 

At a time when selling books has become as productive as digging for gold, festivals in SC are multiplying like rabbits. Flower festivals (azalea, iris), food (crawfish, peach, pimento cheese, shrimp, BBQ, strawberry, rice festivals), cultural (Celtic, Cajun, Italian, Swamp, Greek, Irish, hippie festivals); music (jazz, bluegrass, boogie), which is but a sampling. A list can be found here:

https://festivalguidesandreviews.com/south-carolina-festivals/

Belle Isle Books

 

My book Dust on the Bible has been published by Belle Isle Books with a few changes to the original, which I self published several years ago. When Belle Isle expressed an interest in publishing another edition, I jumped at the offer. 

 

Dust on the Bible has appeal for readers of Young Adult, Literary, Historical Fiction, and Religion readers. Lily’s spiritual journey is combined with a mystery. When she tries to find out why her father is not living with the family, she discovers that her family is not as easily understood as she thought. 

 

The novel has received good reviews and I hope this edition will attract more traffic than the original. Chanticleer Reviews gave it five stars and a positive review with comments such as this:

 

"A poignant tale from start to finish, Dust on the Bible by Bonnie Stanard is a vivid and emotionally captivating story about the strife of a family living in rural South Carolina in 1944.

"Stanard creates a family with a non-nonsense way of life, but the family also carries a deep abiding love for each other; no matter what." 

 

Take a look, buy a book, and leave a comment!

THINKING QUOTE - "If you only read the books everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking." —Haruki Murakami

Dust on the Bible is available at Belle Isle Books:

https://www.belleislebooks.com/store/p258/Dust_on_the_Bible.html

amazon:

https://www.amazon.com/Dust-Bible-Bonnie-Stanard/dp/1962416739/ref=monarch_sidesheet_title

Barnes & Noble:

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/dust-on-the-bible-bonnie-stanard/1123171377?ean=9781962416733

 

London Tour

 

 

 

SHAKESPEARE LOST

 

Last week, while in London I went on a Shakespeare & Charles Dickens guided tour. Our guide was an actor who was knowledgeable about these literary giants. She referenced numerous characters from plays and novels. At stops along the way she recited passages from the works of Shakespeare and Dickens (dramatically, more Shakespeare than Dickens)— I felt stupid...I couldn’t identify the plays or novels being quoted. Do you know which Shakespeare plays list twins in the cast of characters?

As the tour progressed I noticed that the glass and steel buildings where we strolled had little to do with either Shakespeare or Dickens. At those places where we stopped for commentary (with dramatic quotes), we saw nary a building or garden or otherwise that related to the two writers.

Correction: there was a plaque on a wall at one stop with the notice that Shakespeare had lived in a house that no longer existed at a location somewhere nearby. The tour guide said that even the street no longer existed.

I gathered from this tour that no actual artifacts, such as rented rooms, homes, or pubs from the time of Shakespeare and Dickens, are left in London City.

That’s not to say the writers aren’t honored, well, at least Shakespeare. You can take in one of his plays at the Globe Theater, a copy of which has been built on the south bank of the River Thames.

Too bad, but London isn’t the place to find memories of Shakespeare or Dickens.

 

How To Spell Cat

 

My cat Millie

What’s not to like about a cat?

 

They rid your house of mice. They rarely if ever talk out loud or start fights. They warm your easy chair; poop in their potty; and don’t need your attention, though they tolerate it unless they’re in a bad mood. A cat is a good companion just to prove to you that you need one.

 

I once had a cat named Millie (Ironically after Millie came a granddaughter named Milla, short for Camilla).

 

Millie was in the kennel so often she started to think of it as home. We came to realize our travel schedule wasn’t fair to her and gave her to an employee at the kennel.

 

Perhaps people who can’t love cats have trouble with mysteries. After all, you can’t understand everything, in particular a cat.

 

Why don’t cats come when called? Why won’t they go on walks with you? Why do they stare out the window and then refuse to go outside? Why? Why?

 

I wrote a poem titled “How To Spell Cat.” It’s being published in the next issue of Lost Pilots. But don’t expect any hints about understanding cat behavior.

Link to Lost Pilots: https://lostpilotslit.com/

Night at Bull Dog Pub

 

This is me as a mafioso

NOIR STORIES AT HALLOWEEN

 

There were seven of us writers reading stories at the British Bulldog Pub on Halloween night. I read “Waitiing at the Back Door,” a story about a woman who has a major-time grudge against her sister.

 

Phil Lenski stole the show with a story about parishioners in a church who are concerned about the drop in attendance. Only gradually do you realize the church members are all vampires.

 

I dressed as a mafioso and was the only author in costume. One reason I love Halloween is the fun of dressing up and becoming somebody else for a night. My dream is to have a Halloween party only for persons in costume.

 

Today I worked in the house, packed away Halloween and took out Thanksgiving. I’m doing lots of stuff but not much writing. 

 

 Photo L to Rt. Raegan Teller, Paula Benson, 

Irene Stern, Phil Lenski, Carla Damron, Warren Moore, and me.

 

Noir @ the Bar

 

WHAT'S THAT IN YOUR EAR?

 

Ever feel like there's a spider in your ear? Ever feel a bony finger on your neck or hear somebody groan under your bed? Come to Noir @ the Bar Thursday night and you'll get an earful.

 

Eight writers will be reading Halloween-like stories. Is there a difference between a tense story and a scary one? Doug described my story for Thursday night as tense, not necessarily scary. It wasn’t my first attempt at writing a Halloween story. I put a ghost, bloody teeth, freaky noises, and crawly moonlight together in a story thinking it would be scary. It wasn’t.

 

To get blood-curdling ideas to inspire me, I watched Halloween movies on Prime. The only thing I saw was blood and gore, which is supposed to be frightening, I guess, but that doesn’t scare me. Just makes me wonder who watches those movies.

 

The story I’ll read aloud Thursday is about siblings, neither of them stellar characters, but one has a grudge against the other that leads to, well…come to the British Bulldog Pub.

 

Readings start at 7:00 PM, but if you plan to order food, that’s available 5:30 pm – 6:30 pm. Here’s the author list and the order of readings:

1) Phil Lenski

2) Cathy Blake

3) Irene Stern

4) WarrenMoore

5) Paula Benson

6) Bonnie (ME)

7) RaeganTeller

8) CarlaDamron

 

British Bulldog Pub is located at 1220 Bower Parkway, Columbia, SC (near Columbiana). I’d love to see you there!

 

 

Newberry Harvest Festival

 Newberry Harvest Festival

$40 entry includes 10 wine samples

Next weekend (Oct. 12), I’ll have a tent at the Newberry Harvest Festival (10:30 am – 6:00 pm) at the Enoree River Winery, 1650 Dusty Rd, Newberry, SC.

 

Actually, this might well be called a wine festival with arts&crafts as well as live music (Colton Beasley & The Mad Dogs; and Time Pirates).

 

Cost of admission is $40 at the door and this will buy you 10 tickets for wine sampling. Pouring begins at 12:00 noon and ends at 5:30 pm. Youth tickets are $10 but no wine. Under 5 years, free.

 

This is my first venture into appearing at this Newberry festival. I’m looking forward to it! Come by my tent and we’ll taste some wine and talk books.

Cayce Fall Fest

 

I enjoyed talking with readers.

 

SUNSHINE AND SALES

 

We had hot sales at the Cayce Harvest Fest. Sold out of Kedzie, St. Helena Island Slave. Given the modest size of this festival, it draws more traffic than you’d expect. Doug and I wasted no time selling books. Of course, we took turns going to the food kiosks for Cokes, dumplings, and ice cream. One improvement I’d like to see next year is more and better food vendors, or at least one that sells hot dogs and hamburgers.

 

Doug tried out a python at the petting zoo. Lots of kids. Lots of contemporary music. Lots of fun.

 

Doug going too far at the petting zoo

Next weekend (Oct. 12), I’ll have a tent at the Newberry Harvest Festival (10:30 am – 6:00 pm) at the Enoree River Winery, 1650 Dusty Rd, Newberry, SC. Details online:

https://www.lakemurraycountry.com/event/newberry-harvest-festival

 

 

 

Cincinnati Reds vs Chicago Cubs

Cincinnati Reds lost to Chicago Cubs

SPORTS REPORT

 

I’m not a sports fan, but some knowledge of sports is necessary to participate in family conversations. To give you an idea about how much I understand baseball and football, I know a first-down only happens on a football field and a pop-up only on a baseball diamond.

 

Last weekend I, along with family members, went to a baseball game in Chicago between the Cubs and the Cincinnati Reds. My son and family (from Cincinnati) are avid Reds fans. Doug and I lived in Chicago for about 9 years and we have fond memories of the Cubs. The Cubs won, which put my son and family in a funk.

 

The reason for our visit to Chicago wasn’t the baseball game. Four family members participated in Chicago’s Half Marathon. All of them ran with success. I walked my legs off trying to meet our runners on the marathon route and cheer them on.

 

Runners in Chicago Half Marathon

Runners now have GPS trackers which allow us to see their exact location, well, that’s the claim. However, the tracking device for runners in the Chicago race was unreliable, and my daughter-in-law and I had trouble finding our runners. At the Iceland Marathon in August a better GPS device was available, which was accurate and easy to use.

 

Doug and I are home after driving from Cincinnati to Lexington, SC. The storm Helene washed out sections and downed trees on Interstate 40, which was closed east of Knoxville to Interstate 26 near Hendersonville. Detours in the mountains meant bumper to bumper traffic on two-lane highways. It's rumored that Interstate 40 through the Smoky Mountains will be closed for years for repairs.

 

Though I live in South Carolina I missed Hurricane Helene because of our trip to Cincinnati and then to Chicago, IL. However, when we got home, a 60-foot tree had been blown down in our back yard.

 

 

barnyard lowbrow

"SLOP"

Some words give you an idea of what they mean, aside from describing sounds. I’m not talking about onomatopoeia (words such as buzz or boom). I mean words that hint at their definition. Take for example doldrums. It sucks at the back of your throat and shreds off traces of optimism. Or flimflam, which is flippant on your lips, a signal that it’s surface-deep and likely to deceive. Or quirky, which brings a pout to your lips and makes you think of something stretching off somewhere beyond your mouth.

 

What I’m getting to is slop. Judging by the sound, it could be something to stick to the bottom of your shoe and stink up the place. Well, that’s not exactly proving my point. Slop, as any farmer in the 20^th Century could tell you, is food for hogs and it contains scraps from the kitchen, cooked and uncooked.

 

I wrote a poem about slopping the hogs and Main Street Rag has published it (Vol 29, Number 1, Winter 2024) though it’s not yet posted on their website. The poem, “Barnyard Lowbrow” is facetious while describing a moment of recognition that life includes multifarious forms, more than just human, and is better for it.

 

In the same issue is Mark Brazitis’ short story “In the Midnight House,” which begins in an adult-care home where death seems superficial and memory loss sabotages reality. Though you’d think it would be depressing, somehow Brazitis keeps the tone upbeat.

 

The winter issue is not yet available online, but check back in to get a copy. Here’s the link https://mainstreetragbookstore.com/ 

Upcoming issue Winter 2024